To strive

So it’s two days after the election and here i sit in a dive hotel outside D.C that looks like a slightly more modern version of “The Shining”; bloodstained carpet and all.  I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ve turned off my phone.  I can’t take reading the vitriol on both sides; “friends” calling each other racists, nazis, and every other insult imaginable.  Yes I voted before coming to D.C. and anyone who knows me can well guess who I cast my ballot for. Nonetheless, I am tired of reading the fracturing of relationships so off went the phone and I turned on the television and scrolled until I came across a PBS marathon of Inspector Morse.  In one of the episodes, a part of a poem was recited; one I used to know but has slipped into the either of my mind. So now here I sit at my computer smoking an e-cigarette and trying to put into words something thats been rolling around in my head for over a month trying to find cohesion. A few weeks ago, I got to witness the Chicago Marathon and with what I saw, a few terms have been rolling around in my head since; 

Hero

Heroism

Heroic

We use these terms on an everyday basis but what do they really mean?  The answer, is often elusive due to the perceived subjectivity of the terms.  I’d like to give my definition based on what I saw that day by way of three examples plus one from a man I have been honored to know in this life.

Hero. A person who exemplifies the other two words.  Like Aurelius wrote; “Of each particular thing, ask what is it in itself? What is its nature? What does it do?  A hero is a hero because there is no other state he can exist in. To be otherwise would violate their very being.  I have been privileged to know one person in this life who fits that model; we’ll call him Doc for lack of a better term.  When being a combat Marine wasn’t enough of a challenge for him, he became a Navy Corpsman saving lives on the battlefield.  While driving home one night, he saw a car on fire and, although still recovering from an injury, pulled over to make sure the driver and passengers had gotten out of the vehicle (they hadn’t) so he got them out.  When the call to service came again, he volunteered for Iraq with his law enforcement department  and was severely injured in the process.  Doc is the kind of person who would give you the shirt off his back if asked and MAY think to ask why you needed it after it had already been given. Doc is a hero indeed, dedicating his life to the protection of others even if it means taking life to do so.

Heroism. An act of selflessness  with an emphasis on action which I will come back to momentarily.  

Heroic. A state of being, however transitory or permanent, to face adversity to achieve a goal for a selfless reason even at personal risk.  

The three examples of the words Heroism and Heroic are what I observed during this years Chicago Marathon that have been bouncing around in my head that I’d like to share. During the Chicago Marathon in 2015, an old man who was running had a heart attack on the course. While other runners literally ran past him, one woman, a total stranger, stopped and began performing CPR keeping him alive until the paramedics arrived and saved his life. In 2016, they ran the marathon together.  Without her, he wouldn’t be here and despite his prior experience, the old man refused to let that be the last word and ran (and finished) the following year.  I got to meet both and walk with them to their starting gate amazed at the determination.  Many of us would and probably are saying “I would have done that (CPR) too but MANY did not when they had the opportunity to do so. The last is also a woman who, due to the diagnosis of a loved one, put herself to the task of not only running the Chicago Marathon (and this woman HATES running). She did it with a charity team and pledged to raise money that provides funds for research and support for persons affected by a disease that literally robs you of yourself; brain cancer.  She doesn’t see a penny of the money she raised but did it anyway as a way to do anything that might make the life of those diagnosed and their families a little better.  During her training, she developed medical issues of her own. Around mile 18 on her training runs, her foot began to swell and caused intense pain.  She thought she could make the last eight miles with the pain. On the day of the race, however, the foot began to swell and the pain began by mile one. By mile eleven, she was in tears and told me she wanted to quit; I stayed silent, I would have supported her either way but she had to make the decision.I watched her take a deep breath, wipe her tears, and continue on for another fourteen miles. I couldn’t have been prouder of her if she had placed in the top finish times when she showed a warrior spirit and left me with the medical bag by the side of the road. 

So in the end, what do we have to show for the three words listed above? 

An immutable way of being

A refusal to stand down and face his fears of prior experience 

A selfless act and a promise to look after someone previously helped

A promise kept to herself and those who supported her despite the pain

So while writing posts in social media, please remember that you are writing about people who you know and, for whatever reason, wanted in your life in one way or another. As I look at the clock I also see that the day has changed and it’s now Veterans Day so please take a moment even if only in silent prayer for those who have served and continue to serve our nation regardless of who’s elected. 

The quote that got me going on all this? 

“ That which we are, we are

   One equal temper of heroic heart made weak by time and fate but strong in will

   To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield” 

Ulysses

Alfred Lord Tennyson 

Sent from my iPhone

The Brand

   The other day while talking to a co-worker, the subject of martial arts came up and he said something to the effect that “I could never do that; I’m not into karate and stuff plus I just don’t have the time.” When I told him that he already did practice, he replied “I’m not a martial artist like you;”  almost as if I was wearing a band.  It got me to thinking about just what the hell “martial arts” means in the modern age.  Centuries ago, the term encompassed all methods of combat techniques from hand to hand fighting to the gun martial art of Hojutsu, archery, swordplay, etc. We tell ourselves that we now live in a more civilized time but a five minute review of the headlines of any news app proves just how fallacious that assumption to be.  Musashi, reputedly one of the best swordsmen in history with 60+ duels in his life and undefeated was quoted as saying “you can only fight the way you practice.”  This is utter nonsense.  For him to fight duels to the death with scores of people, how many of you would want to be his practice partner?  Everywhere you look, dojos claim to teach techniques that will work o the street.  By the very nature of training to fight, you CANNOT train for combat; a fluid moving situation, in a dojo, training hall, etc using techniques alone.  That’s not to say that fundamentals aren’t important and the groundwork for how you react; they certainly are, but to rely on the technique alone will often get you or someone else killed.  How many combat vets reading this can tell me that they knew enough to get by after boot, MOS, etc or did you have a severe learning curve from the seasoned vets in your unit who looked out for you and showed you the ropes?

    A personal example I can give is through two separate law enforcement academies, we were instructed in handcuffing technique.  What struck me is that in both a municipal and federal class, the instructor used the EXACT same line at the end of class!  During the instruction, we were taught to come up on the subject being arrested all tactical and shit with the person leaning forward and their hands splayed out straight behind them and to be ready for resistance/attack the moment they feel the first cuff go on (as if they didn’t know they’re getting arrested by this point).  After the class and certification in the use of the handcuffs, both instructors said; “well that’s the technique, but in reality, how the cuffs go on is however they go on.”… REALLY??  So are you telling me that you’re teaching something that you have to but know isn’t going to work in reality?  By relying on techniques alone, you do yourself and your co-workers a disservice because you don’t have the requisite skill set to handle the situation (hence the need for FTO’s and seasoned vets to look out for the rookies). 

    With all the dojos and styles purporting to be able to make you a “master” using technique alone without understanding the underlying fundamentals of how the technique came about and how to adapt it, you are practicing a sport.  That’s not to say that a person well versed in Taekwondo, Krav, etc., can’t be effective in a fight, a quick look at social media videos will show you just how good a person can be and you need to find a style that works for you and your body and that’s fine for the average civilian, but if you are in a position that requires you to use violence to keep the peace, achieve an objective, protect yourself and others and have any kind of training to do so, then you are not do martial art/sport.  You practice and engage in a warrior art.  Perhaps that’s whet’s needed in this day and age; a rebrand to separate those of us i just mentioned to distinguish those who stand the wall (civilians with the right mindset fall into this as well and I don’t want to make it sound that this is exclusionary to them as I can name several persons who rise to the occasion when needed).  Perhaps in this day of PC a new brand that distinguishes those I just mentioned from the “Cobra Kai’s and McDojos” of the world; a rebrand from calling ourselves martial artists to practitioners of warrior arts. Both brands are necessary for a society because each of us is looking for something different but we need to keep in mind just what that is and what we are using it for. 

What Would Musashi Do?

What I’m about to say in the next few paragraphs will be considered by some to be blasphemous but understand that I’m not trying to offend anyone here. This is simply the opinion of a practitioner of low dan rank who may or may not ever gain another promotion but what I DO have is real- world-street experience in using martial arts to protect myself and others.  To say that I learned the hard way that technique alone was (and is) wholly inadequate to dealing with one or more attackers is an understatement. I was able to walk away from the fights which is more than the attackers could say but I only won in the sense that I didn’t get killed.

A little while ago, I was changing after class and as I walked into the dressing room, students from another school were also changing and I happened to hear a little of their conversation.  “If you have a gun, you are limited but if you have a sword and dagger, you have a lot more options.”  I held my tongue when I heard this to not be disrespectful but it also got me thinking about the statement and the fact that, 20 + years ago, you very well might have heard the same kind of thing come out of my mouth. When I was younger my training partners and I where all, more or less, influenced by various movies that led us to a dojo to study, and if we continued, to various books that we could get our hands on to seek the roots and techniques of the style.  That eventually led to the “classics” of martial arts like the Hagakure (Yamamoto Tsunetomo)Demons Sermon on Martial Arts (Chozan Niwa), and of course The Book of Five Rings (Miyamoto Musashi). I can remember those days as a kid/young teenager practicing in the dojo for “real life” scenarios which would lead to a debate of what would work and what wouldn’t; almost along the lines of; “What would Musashi (or insert your favorite historical martial artist) Do?’  Most of us who have grown up in the martial and budo arts I think have all gone through a type of progression in which we try to learn every technique we can get our hands on, study and practice the shit out of it, then walk around convinced that we are “Billy Bad Ass” on the street just waiting for someone to test us and our skills with the opinion that they are roughly about 1,000% better than they actually are.  Unfortunately for some of us, that test came and we found out just what the “techniques” were worth in real confrontation.   

Part of the problem I think goes toward the introduction of eastern arts to the western mindset which is kind of like putting the cart before the horse.  In the west, the idea of A to B to C is as ingrained into our psyche and literally taught that way in schools and universities during courses on logic, etc. The techniques of our various warrior arts are looked at in the west as the whole in breadth and width of the form; that and nothing else.  We concentrate so much on the “technique” that we completely miss the fact that it’s only the tip of the proverbial iceberg which is to say about 10% and the other 90% remains unknown and even unnoticed to many of us. A couple of good examples that I can give is when I found the Bujinkan, it took a long time to even begin to unlearn what I had relied on and focus on the underlying principles of the movement itself that the technique came from. It took OVER A YEAR before I even noticed my sensei’s feet moving and recently I just noticed that I’ve probably been doing ukemi wrong as well.  In most dojo’s in the western world, technique has supplanted principle to the point that it has become a thing in and of itself and, because little or no thought is given to the underlying principles and ethics, the art of combat has fallen by the wayside and supplanted by a sport. It’s more often about “now you do this if they do that” rather than asking why you are in that position in the first place.  Often because of this attitude, you see practitioners gravitate toward “favorite” weapons and techniques and this attitude has even begun to enter the budo arts and attitudes practiced in the east. A good example of this is, several years ago, the Soke of the Bujinkan was being interviewed and during the question/answer section, the reporter asked; “so what’s your favorite technique.” Now many reading this involuntarily answered the question in their own mind.  The difference between a practitioner in the warrior arts and a sport is perfectly summed up by the Soke when he answered; “Why? Are you going to send someone to try and kill me?” That unwillingness to transmit even a small amount of information and learn how to move through all situations dependent on the circumstances/terrain/what’s available/and the environment.  If you walk down a city street in most parts of the world carrying a sword, even in Japan, I can guarantee you will quickly find out just how much you are NOT in a Tarantino next installment of Kill Bill and guys with guns will quickly become your foreground, background, and flanks.   

In Musashi’s day, the sword was the penultimate weapon of the nobility and he threw himself into the study of its’ workings to the point that, by the end of his life, not only was he undefeated in all his duels, but had moved beyond the sword and met his opponents with a bokken in hand; wood against steel; and still carried the day. Musashi went on to found a school of thought as an esoteric monk laying out his thoughts in the Book of Five Rings but was even then still constricted by the norm of his class utilizing the sword to exclusion of other weapons.  That said, if you go back and read his book again, what he keeps referring to is NOT the way of the sword, but the way of strategy which, to me, means not only learning how to move, but how to use whatever is at hand including a gun, knife, sword, brick, hands and feet, and the fundamentals of each items strengths and weaknesses. So in closing we come back to the question, “What would Musashi do?” The answer is simple; who cares?; dude lived around five hundred years ago but I will leave you with one of his more popular sayings; “Pay your respects to the Gods and Buddha but do not rely on them for help.”  

The Notebook of Habits

Habits:

We all have them. Some good, some bad, and like pages of a notebook we add and subtract them as we travel through life never asking the most fundamental of questions; “How did I come by this habit? What purpose does this habit serve? Why am I holding onto it if it doesn’t do anything (good) for me?”

 

The answers to those questions, like life, are both easy and hard at the same time. I think to figure out the answers you have to first go to the basics and define the issue or problem. Dictionary.com lists habit as; “an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary.”  Three words in that definition stood out to me immediately,acquired, and almost involuntary with emphasis on almost. When we acquire a habit, by definition it usually serves at least one purpose if not more but over time we all change and those habits may not continue to serve us as originally intended. An example that comes readily to mind is when I began working as an undercover law enforcement officer with a prior department.  Very quickly, I habituated myself into an almost hyperactive state during which seconds after walking into a room, I could pick out who was probably carrying, potential physical weaknesses of those there, tactical advantage space to get to if shit broke bad, exit routes, and the number of people in the room including those behind me.  While developing this habit kept me alive, when you keep that hyper-vigilant state going, it becomes harder and harder to turn it off and begins to carry over to your “off duty” life and you find yourself doing things you didn’t previously do; you develop “moving target syndrome” (never stay or go to the same place too many times to make it harder to hit you), lack of sleep because you can’t shut down, more prone to violence when not in “cover” mode, the leeching of the two sides/personas together, the list goes on and on.  I think the reason for many of us who find these things happening are not only the complete immersion in the “role” we are supposed to be playing but quite simply, we don’t want to get dead. By that standard, the habits we acquired worked for the need that arose but, the human body being what it is, can only take so much before a crash shows on the horizon. The trick, I think, is to make sure you have someone you trust to keep an eye on you and bring you back down; violently even if necessary, but it’s our decision to listen and adjust which is much harder than it sound (remember the almost involuntary part?).

The most important part of the equation seems to be the process ofhow we develop the habit and how we allow it to be expressed. A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a fellow student on this topic that he had initially asked our Shidoshi regarding how to always be aware and ready to defend ourselves and others; a few of the phrases he used took me back over the years to when I almost crashed and burned developing those habits and we talked for a couple of minutes.  The most important thing I could tell him? RELAX! Instead of putting the idea in the forefront of your mind which causes you to tense up (which actually makes it harder to react/respond by the way), keep the possibility of something bad happening in the back of your mind and flow with the principles that go with it like keeping tactical space, moving with the attacker but dictating the action based on what attack he/she uses and leading them from there but most important, STAY IN YOUR OWN SKIN! To understand that concept, try walking around in a “pissed off I’m the badest SOB on the block” state for an hour radiating menace and see how you exhausted you feel afterward. If you stay in a relaxed but ready state, it’s much easier to maintain but a harder habit to acquire.  An easy way to spot this attitude is to look at new vs. veteran police officers or some soldiers who have already been through combat.  In the latter, you will find prime examples of both states unfortunately due to the lack of care for these hero’s returning home but that’s a subject for another time.   Ultimately, this entire post was expressed much more elegantly to me last week which I’ll try and close with.  In the last year and a half, I’ve had 4 head surgeries (two brain, one craniotomy, one cranioplasty) which sidelined me from the dojo for a couple months; with few exceptions I attended but only observed to learn/osmose what I could until last week I went back into class as a participant, scar from right ear to left eye, stitches and all.  At the end of class we pay our fee and write our name in the attendance book.  When it came time for me to write my name, I had a very un-Zen like moment and wrote my name big and bold, proud of myself for continuing to train and being “back.”  A few hours later, I told my Shidoshi this and his response is what I will leave you with; “The book is there for you to write in whenever you want.”     

Is Zat you Santa Claus?

Admittedly, it’s been a rough couple of years for law enforcement. I’ve watched over the course of that time, civilians who I interact with on a daily basis go from smiling when I approach and extend a greeting to a reaction of almost open hostility at just speaking with me and these are NOT field interviews or anyone I have ever been anything other than polite and pleasant to, all due to the national media diatribe promoting (usually, but not always, falsely) a perspective that just isn’t born out by the facts.  I could go on with statistics that would fill the page with how the overall findings of the “cases” of abuse either don’t show the whole encounter, have been doctored by the media or interested groups, or flat out covered up by politicians in order to gain re-election.  Those of you who have taken the time to read my past posts know the importance I place on interpersonal reactions with the public and how law enforcement should strive to not be so insular in their personal relationships to not only be more balanced in themselves but the standing of respect in the community.  Lately, however, in addition to the aforementioned problems, other instances have arisen that seems to put a greater divide between the general public and law enforcement including instances of police officers food being poisoned by fast food workers who have never interacted with the particular officer but did it just because they “hate the police.”  Almost every officer I know now feels like they are working with the sword of Damocles over their head and are in a no win situation no matter what action they take.  As I said before, there are documented instances in which an officer has broken the law and should be punished for it; but I would propose that, excluding the military, those in most other professions abuse their positions/jobs more than sworn officers or armed forces.  Yes, training should be revamped  and there are those working very hard across the nation to do just that including mentoring and the concepts of being an ethical protector.  That said, I think a societal paradigm shift that has occurred in the last few decades needs to be addressed. Simply put (to all), respect is a two way street and you do NOT get to do whatever you feel like doing! Today we see young people old enough to shoulder a weapon and stand a post complain about needing a “safe space” when in generations past your safe space was beside your comrade watching your flank while going through fire.  If you can’t handle words that “offend” you, how the hell are you going to take any type of critique that may make you a better person!? To compound matters, several websites and groups have put out advice for when being stopped by law enforcement that is not only flat out wrong, but almost guaranteed to compound the problem; for law enforcement, again further training to see the subject as an actual person and not a potential threat ONLY (which, due to the current climate, is becoming more and more common out of FEAR of action).  BOTH sides need to look beyond a uniform or preconceived idea of the person standing before them.

A few examples of what I’m talking about happened a year or so ago that I think illustrate the point.  The first happened while attending a party during which I stepped outside for a smoke and was joined by another person who, while acquainted with, I didn’t know particularly well. during the course of our conversation (mostly complaining about our jobs) she asked what I did for a living and I told her that I was a cop.  The reaction she had was one of shock and disbelief. I literally had to show her my badge before she believed me.  She went on from there to tell me how all cops were bad and that she hated all police; except present company because of perceived abuse of the community.  Now had I been the man I was ten years ago, I might have lost it and went off on how the statistics just don’t hold up to that view but instead, I took a step back and two thoughts went through my head; 

1; If I’m going to practice what I preach, I kind of succeeded already with this person because her reaction of finding out that the person she was standing there talking to was so far removed from her preconception of law enforcement that she literally couldn’t believe I did what I do for a living.

2;  How jacked up is it for a person to say that they HATE everyone in a chosen profession “except present company”?  Just because they exclude you, does that make the statement any less wrong?  Think of it this way if having trouble following; instead of a profession, substitute any ethnic group or race into that statement and see how it reads. 

The next, and last example, of this I during the last Christmas season my girlfriend and I were shopping in a downtown retail district and she stepped into a running store and I took the time to grab a cigarette.  Next to the running store is an ice cream shop.  While standing there, an elderly couple approached the ice cream store; the man waling while the woman was confined to a wheelchair.  When I was about to get the door for the couple, she stated that since it was so warm for the time of year, she wanted to stay outside while her husband went in to order.  While I continued my cigarette, I watched several dozen people walk around and past this frail elderly woman without so much as a glance or a word; then someone approached her.  The person who walked up to her was another officer (off duty and in plain clothes) in my department walking with his son of about 10. He stopped and asked the old woman if she needed any help.  She told him no and  that she was waiting for her husband who was inside.  My fellow officer said ok and to have a Merry Christmas and went on his way never knowing that I was there and had observed the whole encounter and the example he had set for his son (and me) that day.  A few days later I spoke to the officer mentioning that I had seen him on a particular day but not the details and he told me offhandedly that he was on his way to dress up as Santa Claus for a group of underprivileged children to help compile a list of wished for presents.  I became proud to be a cop again.  

If we adults are beyond hope, perhaps the only way out of this morass is to try and do a better job setting an example for the next generations; it may be our only shot.  Also, the next time you see an act of kindness or concern for another person, stop and think that that person might be one of those you “hate” if wearing a different outfit… 

Out Thug the Thug

Recently, I seem to have found myself with a good deal of time on my hands (never usually a good thing for me) and a few things have happened that have gotten me thinking about just how and why we physically train in law enforcement.  I want to be clear at the onset, however, that this is NOT about the recent occurrences that have transpired in Missouri.  The issues, to me, are far deeper and more systemic than what happened there and I will not be touching on them.  

If this is the first time for you reading one of my posts, I should probably begin with a little background bout myself.  In my career, I’ve worked for a local department assigned to undercover assignments then on to criminal investigations in one of the most violent cities in the U.S. and after that, abandoned all semblance of dignity and joined the federal ranks (still can’t use the “credentials” word though; it’ll always be a shield and department I.D.).  Suffice to say I’ve been around the block a few times and seen my share of dirt.  One of the worst things  that I’ve seen, however, is the prevailing attitude of most police department management regarding defensive tactics.  Through two separate academies, I had to sit and participate in the accepted, approved curriculum which consisted only of modern MMA techniques.  One day I asked an instructor why this particular style was used and the answer, while expected, was no less disappointing. The entire thing was designed so the officer could learn a few “techniques” that were “easy” and wouldn’t need continued practice to use on the street.  It was not only disappointing but flabbergasting.  

Now follow me on this; with every non-patronage law enforcement department that I’ve ever heard of, the applicant has to, at minimum, pass a written test, a panel or face to face interview, a background check, THEN attend an academy that includes more written tests, physical fitness, firearms, ethics, and the list goes on.  After you pass all these criteria and receive a commission which empowers you under authority of law to enforce the peace up to and including the use of physical violence and deadly force, the department THEN decides that the officer isn’t capable of learning and maintaining a certain physical and, more importantly, mental standard to perform their job or are just too lazy to do so?  I honestly don’t know if that speaks worse about the officer or the department they work for.  To add insult to injury, we have all seen the posters in the locker rooms about how you should be training with mantras going back to the academy like “violence rules the day.” The whole point of the DT training curriculum seems to be centered around “out thug the thug”  (a term I first heard a few years ago during an Ethical Protector training seminar that I think speaks directly to the issue and I can’t think of a better way to describe it) when faced with a physical confrontation and holding out until help arrives.  Well, help or the blue wall may have been an option 20 years ago but how many of you on patrol that aren’t field training officers can remember the last time you had another officer in the car with you during an initial stop or encounter?  Furthermore, the whole attitude you end up using  colors your perspective during the stop for a few simple reasons.  One, the training received is wholly inadequate because MMA is a SPORT and not an actual fighting or defense art.  I know there are many people out there right now who's blood pressure just went 1000/1000 over that last statement and are swearing that they wish I was in the room right now so they could show me just how wrong I am and you are right now, in part, proving my point if just a few words can cause that kind of reaction.  I’ve been in confrontations with so called MMA fighters and, frankly, they are usually easy to deal with.  That’s not to say you let your guard down or can’t be dangerous, but when you are facing a person with a limited skill set due only to the fact that the “art” they use offers only a few techniques with no underlying principles, pretty much anything they do can be fairly easily countered if your principles (read tactics) are sound and grounded.  

The other day, I was talking with another officer about training and he said something along the lines of “you should always be training at 110%!” Well my reaction to that statement is this; what does is matter if you are training at 110% or !% if your tactics are shit Tackelberry? If you are doing something wrong at 110%, it’s still wrong! I think part of this also goes straight into the MMA mindset which, frankly, appeals to the lowest level of our psyche and considering what our chosen profession is, isn’t a good thing and can and will eventually lead to a bad outcome in the long run.  Throughout my career during basic, advanced, and recertification DT, I’ve seen officers needlessly injured during training solely because they allowed themselves to get ramped up and go too far in the application.  All of it seems to stem around not only the mindset that the training creates, but, more fundamentally, the training only speaks to techniques; i.e. slot A to slot B to desired effect an so on.  This is a flawed construct at it’s very core. How many of you when effecting an arrest on a noncompliant subject can honestly say that those things work? Every situation, no matter how similar, is going to go down differently and you pray every time that it doesn’t go sideways.  Techniques are only one small part of the equation and completely ignores the broader perspective which is the underlying principle of what you are doing.  If you have an understanding of the principle of whatever the technique you are trying to effect, then, most of the time, it doesn’t even look like you are doing any kind of martial art.  

So how do you come to understand the principle of what you are doing? TRAIN! I don’t care what the style is; Bujinkan, Aikido, Krav, whatever it is, if you are only doing kata for kata sake without understanding what the principle behind it, then you are wasting your time trying to look cool and do yourself a disservice.  Now I know many of you reading this do take the time to train outside of work to keep your skills up, but recently I’ve come to ask myself is that enough?  What about the officers who got hired without any prior fight training?  We will probably never change our respective departments attitudes on DT simply because it’s a cost equation metric to them; but as Ethical Protectors, shouldn’t we extend a hand to those fellow officers who have no prior grounding or training in tactics that can help/protect both themselves and those they are having to arrest?  Personally, I think the answer is a resounding yes.  If you do decide to take this on, understand that you will probably get blowback from your department (I’m speaking from personal experience on this) but make sure that it’s outside of work and you can explain everything within the use of force framework. If you can do that, you may just save a life and isn’t that one of the primary points of what we do? 

From Perspective to Clarity

This last winter in Chicago we were introduced to a new phrase, at least for me, that of “Polar Vortex.” It’s a truly horrid experience in which you get to learn first hand just how cold minus 35 degrees (f) is.  One day I awoke in a foul mood looking forward to another day of freezing.  Grumbling the whole way, I stopped at my local coffee shop as is my custom on the way to work and was only thinking about myself, my own troubles, and woe is me.  A few parking spaces away, a woman and her child got out of their car about the same time I exited my own.  The child, a girl of about 10, stood up and raised her head to the sun and let loose a smile from ear to ear.  The thing that made my breath catch in my throat was that when she raised her head, her cap fell off and revealed a bald head and nearly translucent skin.  As I watched, the little girl continued her smile while dancing around her mother on the way into the store oblivious to the cold; just happy to be able to dance in the sunshine.  It took me a few moments to collect myself and dry my eyes from the reminder that my problems aren’t that bad.  I’ve thought about that little girl a few times since then too but not so much as in the last few weeks.  The reason is kind of simple; I just had brain surgery three days ago and was released from the hospital today.  It started, or at least seemed, innocuously and discovered almost by accident.   Looking back, perhaps a good deal of what I had put down to as old injuries, aches and pains may not have been that at all but instead a tumor growing in my head; the doctor says probably not but we will never know.  The only thing I do know is that now I’m waiting for biopsy results and looking up terms like Gilomas and levels I-IV tumor classifications. The strange thing is that, when I got the news, my emotional reaction was that of calm.   I haven’t shed a tear yet nor do I intend to.  I do have to say, however, that certain things have come into focus for lack of a better term.  It’s almost like standing outside yourself and looking not only in, but outward as well on not only on my own state, but that of the world as well. 

I could bore you to tears with terms like “Wabi Sabi” and other esoteric nonsense but I’ll try to be brief and concise. One thing I am, however, certain of and it’s this; EVERYTHIING is a gift! Every sunrise, every hour, every minute and in those moments are the secrets that we all are looking for; magic.  We all look for it and seem to want to believe that it exists in the type of form sold to us by way of Hogwarts, Ministries of Magic and the like and  nothing could be further from the truth.  Magic exists in its true form in a way that we all practice it without even knowing at the time and in its simplest form; that of trying to be decent to each other.  How many of you reading this at some point in your life can look back on something that happened that changed your perspective if even of a minute to actually see the world around you?  For me, one of those days was that little girl taking her own moment of joy in the sun.  What was yours?  The hardest part is in trying to stay open to those moments when they present themselves. 

Anyone who has ever suffered my prior writings knows the importance I place on personal perspective.  Well now it seems that my own paradigm has shifted a little in that for me perspective seems to be only a paving stone on the road to clarity.  We’ve all had moments of clarity throughout our lives but I have a tendency to think that we view those times as fleeting and actually try to get past them as quickly as we can; oftentimes out of necessity.  For me, those moments often came when I found myself in a life an death situation.  During some of those times, I just KNEW without any logical way of explaining it, that today was not the day no matter how dangerous the situation and, probably, that was what granted me the clarity to see and navigate the situation (other times it was sheer dumb luck).  As I wait for the biopsy results it’s kind of the same way. The tumor may come back benign, low grade, or as a nightmare three month out the door worst case scenario but here’s the thing; it doesn’t matter.  Let the results come back worst case, let them tell me that treatment isn’t even worth it, let them tell me they are just taking me to deaths door and leaving me on the stoop, thats fine because then what happens is I kick in the door, drag the SOB out for a beating and walk home.  I’ve told a few people that and they “compliment” me on my “attitude” (frankly annoying) because it isn’t and I don’t know how to explain it in any kind of way that doesn’t sound like hubris which it isn’t either.  The only people who seem to get it have been in situations like what I’ve mentioned (certain immediate life and death kinds of things).  The only thing I know is what I know and it is my sincere hope that if you don’t understand my last statement, you never do because to get there, you have to walk a road of very sharp stones.    

In the martial art I train in, I’m surrounded by a bunch of cool folks all of whom work not just to defend themselves, but how to protect others as well including those who attack us if possible; Ethical Protectors if you will and in the last few years of training I found myself undergoing a sea change in philosophy in that I found that applications for the art almost more effective outside the physical application than in. Yes, there are times when you can’t avoid conflict but more often than not I think, it’s used far too frequently and more like a crutch or easy way out. In the dojo, we often talk about “shaping the space” by which you lead the attacker to the required destination allowing them to either disengage or no longer be able to fight.  In the beginning, I took that to mean the whole thing came from only one side of the equation and it took a few years for it to sink in (what can I say, I’m a slow learner).  Now however, it seems to me that the process requires not only the leading aspect but that you also MUST remain open to the aspect of the unknown, the creative spark that can come from anyplace and if you aren’t open to that possibly, no amount of personal will is going to help you navigate the road and this situation has granted me the clarity to see that more for what it is.  One of the things I realize is that even this is a gift I’ve been given for what ever reason; my only hope is that in some small way I can use it to possibly help others even if I never learn of it; maybe even by this post. 

Everything we have is a gift of some sort; both the good and the bad.  We have only to remain open to the creative spark that fuels both sides of our lives allow that magic of the world in and out which is way harder to practice than sounds but possible.   So in closing, look for more along these lines anyplace you can and see how it works for you because not today, tomorrow, or for a long time, but someday I will slip this mortal coil and on that day I will touch the face of god and ride the veil between the universe and structure of mans dreams but I’ll still be around; watching and listening.  When I do, the only thing I want to hear from any of you is either laughter or the sound of feet dancing in the cold winter sun….