The Hammer Effect

The Hammer Effect

            Almost two weeks ago, I attended a training seminar for/about warrior protectors which got me reflecting again on why I train. This is a question that I touched on last year in a series of Facebook posts, but I think it needs a little more specificity and, to do that, I need to start at the beginning;

I’ve been involved in warrior arts for the last 29 years and, during that time, I’ve been shot, stabbed, had more bones broken than I care to count, but I’m still here and do a job that requires me to, at least be capable of, inflicting violence on another person for the purpose of protecting myself, those around me, and those that I may be in conflict with. Yes, you read the last part of that sentence correctly and it isn’t a misprint. It is, however, an interesting juxtaposition isn’t it? It is also something that I have come to only in the last few years of training.

I began martial arts like most other kids taking karate at the local dojo. Almost immediately after beginning however, I knew that there must be more that what was being taught and began looking for other teachers. I was lucky enough to stumble across a dojo that became my home for years to come. The name of the dojo and even the style is unimportant (the name has since been co-opted by another group that has as much to do with the jitsu I trained in as a giraffe does to a zebra). The dojo I trained in was one of three in the country and you had to find it by word-of-mouth as they used no advertising whatsoever. Unlike most schools in the U.S., you had to apply to become a student and, only after an interview with the Shihan, could you begin training. The jitsu is probably the oldest in Okinawa and was created by a single family that traced its roots back to before the Sho Dynasty of the 14^th century and was heavily influenced by the local fighting arts (what has become modern karate), a little Japanese taijitsu, as well as Shaolin Temple Boxing, Hsing-I, and Pau Kua.  For years I got my ass regularly kicked at that dojo (and loved every minute of it)! During that whole time I was learning the fundamentals of a fighting system that had been employed by the rulers of the Ryuku islands to gather intelligence, harass and remove rivals; essentially the “special forces” of Okinawa.  The tenants that I learned to follow encompassed a style that had it's own kame, kojitsu, and ideas about space in which you took your opponents balance slightly for the purpose of eliciting an expected body reaction to strike your intended target to finish your opponent off (essentially put your opponent(s) down in a way that they will not get back up. As I said before, this was not a do or “way” style but a field tested fighting art made for quiet, quick, close-in combat in which you “remove the stone from the board” and move on).   

During those years I moved through the kyu, on to the dan grades and we were treated to the “old school” way of being taught along with a healthy dose of special forces psychological unit training picked up by the Shihan during his time in the Rangers prior to taking various positions with different law enforcement agencies.  I think it was, at least partly because of this, that most of us ended up either in law enforcement, the military, as operators, or some combination of all three.  During that time, I became what I thought was expected of me, a hardened warrior living an Epitcticlean life able to take on all comers and do whatever needed to be done. If someone was standing in the way well, that was poor decision making on their part and they “dealt the play;” why should I worry about them?  Later, during my time “on the job” I never used unnecessary force but neither did I worry about what happened to the bandit while in the process of subduing them.  Over the years, however, part of me I think instinctively knew that there was still more to the equation than what I was doing and, after the Shihan moved the dojo a few more hours away, fell out of attendance. 

Don’t get me wrong at this point, I am and will always be deeply grateful to my first Shihan for what he taught me because it has literally saved my life on more than one occasion. The only way I can describe what was happening to me is this; “When you are a hammer, you treat everything as a nail.”  Ever heard that line before? Not only is it true, but there is another, unspoken part to that saying. Have you ever looked at a long used hammer? Is the surface smooth or dented? What about the handle? How many micro fractures do you think it can withstand before it finally shatters? Another way of explaining it goes to a time when a fellow student once asked me about being in law enforcement; I answered it like this, “being a cop doesn’t allow you to keep your humanity.” In many ways and in many departments across the country that is, sadly, true. Without proper training, mentoring, and support, a person will naturally shut themselves off from their environment as a self defense mechanism against the detris and despair that they encounter on a day-to-day basis. By seeing those they deal with as objects instead of people, they think, protects their sanity; what they don’t realize is what it slowly does to their soul.  By dehumanizing those that they are dealing with, they begin to dehumanize themselves without even realizing it. I personally believe that this is one of the reasons why the alcoholism and suicide rates among law enforcement are so much higher than compared to the general population. It’s also the reason why many who do undercover work for any period of time have trouble fitting in with other cops because, to be successful, you have to identify on some level with the people you are working or they will make you in a New York minute. 

Unfortunately, many departments train their officers to detach themselves and to “be a hammer.” During the last basic academy for my current position, we had a phrase pounded into us on a daily basis; “Violence Rules the Day!”  When you train your officers to think this way, then they usually will. The problem with this mindset, in addition to what I’ve said above, is that that style of fighting drops the officer into a basic animal state meeting force on force. When that happens, what you essentially have is what’s described in “The Demons Sermon on the Martial Arts” (Issai Chozanshi; 1659-1741) as the “swordsman with strong chi.” Without much real technique but a forceful attack, you may get by on many occasions, but ultimately that force will fail you when faced with a person who is either trained or stronger than you.  Let me emphasize one other thing as well; seeing everyone you deal with on the job as a person with a story of their own instead of just a classification is HARD. It takes constant work because, at least in the short run, the other way is easier. You have to have something to ground you.

But I digress; a few years ago I decided to get back into training and started looking at various dojos/styles.  After a few false starts I came across a webpage for a Bujinkan dojo. The description intrigued me as well as the fact that no specific location was given.  Instead, you were required to submit a resume of sorts to a given email address including your contact information. A little while later, I got a response from the Shihan of the dojo and, after a few rounds of phone tag, finally made a connection. Within the first five minutes of that phone call, the Shihan indicated that he didn’t think he was in a position to help me, but neither did he hang up the phone and we ended up taking for about 45 minutes (I must have taken up his entire lunch hour). At the end of the conversation, he invited me to attend a class which I knew would be a further evaluation before an invitation to join or request to leave was made. I already felt at home since I had been through this once before but was also incredibly nervous and excited as well! Here was someone NOT running a business but training only those he thought deserving of his time! That, of course led me to a near anxiety attack; what if I’m told after the class not to come back? It had been over 20 years since I had been through this type of thing and felt woefully unprepared for it.  I showed up that first night and spent the longest two hours of my life; getting shot at wasn’t as nerve racking as that class but, at the end, for whatever reason, I was invited to continue training.  During the next few classes, I was introduced to a maddeningly similar and yet totally different way of moving and fighting. Don’t force the balance of your opponent, let them do the work while you occupy and shape the space, be fluid and keep moving; avoid "going rigid” so you don’t transmit any information to your opponent regarding what you are about to not only do to him, but allow him do to himself. But also during the training, I was introduced to another way of thinking as well; protect not only yourself, those around you, but the bandit too if possible. Something inside me clicked, knowing that this was the other, final side, of the triangle. This is not to say that there aren’t times that deadly force is required, and the techniques of the Bujinkan can be devastating, but a different way of thinking about what you are doing and that you are doing it to another person.  Being a warrior means to protect all life if possible. This has helped me not only in training, but I can state from first hand experience that it has enabled me to avoid using physical techniques on a person when, in the old days, the “ask, tell, make” axiom ruled the day.  It takes a little more energy and a lot of empathy, but in many cases, the taijitsu is in use without ANY physical technique at all, only your listening and verbal skills to shape the space and “defeat” the opponent before any physicality enters the equation, but if need be, is there and able to be deployed while causing the least amount of harm to both yourself and the bandit.  I’m also probably not explaining it very well but fortunately, there are those out there who can. All I know for certain is that the hammer is being melted down and I look forward to see what will be forged in its place. Also, my Shihan and the other sensei in the dojo have the patience of saints.

Incense in the Rain

So spring is here all three (Druidic, Julian, and Chinese) new years have come and are upon us. Maybe because to this, I find myself thinking back on the last year; the highs and lows, what I’ve learned, and what I’ve been reminded of. This only begs the question, what were those things? The time that stands out the most when I ask myself those questions, is my trip to Thailand.

Like some ill-formed character in a Hesse novel, I took a “Journey to the East” with only some half formed idea of what I might or expect to find.  After close to six months removed, I find myself virtually homesick for a place I spent less than a month in. Part of the answer for why I feel that way is easy; the heat, humidity, the open air markets, all take me back to a time of my youth and young adulthood and reminds me of how much I detest the sensory assault of the modern western life from the fluorescent glare of the shopping malls to the antiseptic stench of the modern “supermarkets.”

But my time there wasn’t all smiles and I’m in some ways, still processing my trip. Like many of my generation, I think my idea of a Buddhist Monk was somewhat formed watching reruns of the TV series “Kung Fu”.   I think subconsciously, I expected all the monks to all be like “Master Po;” serene, knowledgeable in the ways of mysticism, unfettered by the modern world and its trappings. When I arrived in Thailand, that image was shattered into a million pieces.   I remember being disconcerted whenever I would walk by a monk and see iPod ear buds with the cords leading down into the twining of his robes, see a rotund monk stepping from an SUV while talking on his cell phone, etc.  To make matters worse, the rampant commercialism of the Wat’s up to and including, scrolling neon signs across the temple walls knocked my preconceptions for a loop. Now consciously, I knew that the image of my childhood expectations would not be the reality, but I couldn’t help but be saddened by the selling of a culture, including it’s religion, in pursuit of commercial profit.  I was almost driven to violence watching a girl kneeling in prayer in front of a statue of the Buddha, while a German tourist stepped around her with annoyance, to try to get the “perfect shot” with his camera. Then I remembered the many photos I had taken as well and tried to remember if I had shown such disrespect as well. I hope I didn’t.  

But before you get the wrong idea, I did thoroughly enjoy my time in Thailand and think back to recall the highlights and pick out the important experiences. Was it the food? Was it the out of the way Wats not on the tourist map where one could almost feel the hundreds of years of prayer and meditation? Was it the courtesy inherent in everyday life? Was it teaching Qigong to a monk in the shadow of a Chetti, just a few steps away from a relic of the Buddha?   While all of these things were wonderful, there are three things that stand our in my mind and I will take with me forever.

While walking (getting lost actually) in the warren streets of Bangkok’s Chinatown, I looked over and saw a Buddhist Nun sitting quietly between two stalls holding her alms bowl in her lap. When I passed her, I dropped a few coins into her bowl and, when she looked up at me, what I saw on her face shocked me almost to tears. Upon her face was a smile, but it was the eyes that went straight to my soul with what I saw; peace, joy, tranquility, my childhood idealized version of a Buddhist mystic. I thought at the time; that’s it! I want that! How did you get it and where can I find it?!? While all of these things went through my mind, however, I just stood there struck dumb until I retreated, afraid if I spoke I would break the spell.

The next thing I took away with me was, while sitting in a coffee shop in Bangkok, I looked over and saw a boy of about 8 or 9 on the sidewalk playing a flute. Whenever the door to the shop opened, I could hear his flutesong even over the noise of Bangkok traffic and the sky train; something I shouldn’t have been able to do. Hauntingly ethereal, the music seemed to permeate everything around me and I found myself thinking about what life has in store for this little beggar-boy. When I left the coffee shop, I dropped some money into his bowl as well. Was it enough? Not a chance by a long shot, but enough to buy a meal. After seeing my “donation” to his performance, he stopped playing for only an instant to acknowledge me with a nod of his head that betrayed the years that he had already lived in so short a time, and went back to his flute like the little businessman he was.

Also while there, I spent some time at the Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai. I can’t say enough good things about this sanctuary. A heard of over 30 elephants, all rescued from lives of abuse, given the opportunity to live out their lives nature intended, while taking no money or support from the government. Many of these noble creatures have suffered greatly at the hand of mankind from landmine injuries due to working illegal logging operations, to intentional blinding with slingshot and knife by their mahout for refusing to work after the loss of her baby.   On the first day there, several of the volunteers where trying to save a sick member of the heard who had arrived only a few months prior. Mae Sai Roong had been rescued from an illegal logging operation where she had been forced to work under terrible conditions. To make matters worse for her, her mahout had spiked her system with Yaa-Baa (meth) to keep her working straight for days and weeks at a time without rest.  Now, her system was shutting down.  She lost her battle for life two days later.

On my final day at ENP, I walked from my hut to the designated smoking area and saw what last nights monsoon had done; it wasn’t hard to see that the debris floating in the river was the remains of a village upstream. The next few hours where spent on “body watch”; looking for human remains, ready to call out to those with nets downstream to attempt to catch the victims of the flood. I still don’t know if all the bodies were recovered.   

After the body watch detail was done, everyone went to another area of the preserve for the funeral service for Mae Sai Roong. Just next to Lek, the founders’ house, a grave had been dug with a backhoe and Mae Sai Roong was laid on her side in the grave. All of us stood around the grave in the rain holding flowers and incense listening to the chanting of a Buddhist Abbot and the local Shaman, who had welcomed us upon our arrival to the park, as strings (the same that we wore around our wrists) where attached from Mae Sai Roong to the spirit house to facilitate her entry for her rest. The chanting to let her spirit know that she had a safe place to rest, that her struggle was over, that she was free and finally had a place that was safe.  After the chants, one by one, we approached the grave and placed our flowers and incense at the side of the grave, wai’ed, and returned to the line to allow the next person to pay their respects. After placing my offering, I looked up at the spirit house and was reminded of another a long time ago, tucked into a garden, sitting next to a tea pavilion.   

Many years ago, I did a favor for a master of Cha-do (the way of tea) and, by way of thanks, he invited me over to his home one day. When I arrived, I was escorted back into a lovely and totally hidden Japanese garden which contained a spirit house and a small tea pavilion where he performed the tea service for me. During the second, less formal phase of the ceremony, it fell to me as the guest to initiate polite conversation.  I chose to ask him about the Kakemono (scroll) on the wall. He responded by giving me the translation for the calligraphy which meant “Ichi-go, Ichi-e”; One opportunity, One encounter (this was, ironically, last years theme for the dojo that I train at). Put into more western terms, you only get one chance, one meeting because every time, every moment, is unique, special, and different.  Embrace every moment and opportunity for once it’s gone, it will never return.  Maybe that’s what I took away from my journey to Thailand; the remembrance that all of us, regardless of race, religion, nationality, or anything else, are essentially the same. We all suffer through life’s’ trials, try to carve out a niche for ourselves, and take joy and comfort wherever and whenever we can find it and show kindness where we can.. Maybe that’s all there is and all it should be. All I know is, whenever I close my eyes at night, I still hear that flutesong and smell incense in the rain.